Welcome to the IJI ADverse

A Word from
Vladimir Himler

IJI SYNERGY CZAR

Hello comrade-
I mean friend!
Congratulations on choosing to invest your money on advertising with the IJI family!
IJI offers what no other ad agency or media outlet can- one-stop shopping for ads, PR, think tank tomfoolery and access to 39.64%* of the American media consumers.
We offer the ability to completely saturate the American way of life with your brand or product.
Any agency can buy you print ads.
Any network can sell you air time.

Jones Research Institute
IJI's premeire think tank is ready to help clients when reality isn't cooperating.
Do a majority of Americans disagree with you?
Do "facts" not support your claims?
Don't worry- we'll help you decide what is or isn't a "fact."
Our pollsters can construct surveys that'll make people say "the sky is red" and "water is crunchy," if that's what you need.
These days you need to create the facts that will allow you to frame the debate before your opposition does.
Otherwise, they might get their own think tank like The Heritage Foundation to twist the facts into some inarguable quagmire first. more...

Do you have an optimal relationship with your customers and employees?
NO YOU DON'T, DAMMIT!
It takes more than TV, print and online ads to stay on the collective consciousness.
And you need your employees to feel like they owe you something by the end of the day, not vice versa.
Public Relations isn't just for damage control.
Malleable Perceptions can help your maintain a pervasive awareness campaign 24/7.
Just give us a seat at the table, pay our outrageous fees and we'll start compensating for the failures of your maketing, advertising and human resource departments. more...
Can they promise that Elisa Dusku will drink your cola on prime time ABS the same week that Tom Cruise jumps out of a plane in the latest Gemstone Picture to grab a bottle of your cola with the antidote in it while Chip Foxx reads a pole on DNN proving that most Americans prefer your shit to Coke or Pepsi?
I THINK NOT.
Stick with us, and millions of kids will be begging their parents to buy DVDs of cartoons with your product's jingle in the background.

*the maxium audience reach allowed by the FCC, thanks to our lobbyists reverse-engineering the law based on what we already owned.
International Jones, Inc. ~ Quality Consumables ~ Jones Acquisitions ~ Jones Mobile ~ Jones Petroleum
Jones Media Group ~ Air Jones ~ Jones Health Assurance ~ Integrated Technologies ~ return to Post