Air Jones Pilots - the Best in the Sky


We Land Our Jets on

Everyone's so hyped about U.S. Airways' Captain "Sully" Sullivan landing in the Hudson River without any casaulties.
Sure, that's cool.
You know what's even cooler?
Landing on a RUNWAY at an AIRPORT, preferably at your DESTINATION.
Even if you can't do that, our pilots wouldn't have landed in a RIVER.
Just total the whole jumbo jet, why don't ya, SULLY?
They're not worth anything, are they?
Just let insurance cover it so the airline's premiums skyrocket.
Airlines don't have enough overhead already, right?
Like jet fuel.
Did you have to crash-land RIGHT AFTER TAKEOFF, Sully?
You wasted a full tank.
We hope that came out of your paycheck.

Our Pilots Don't
Die Mid-Flight

Here at Air Jones, we hire the youngest, healthiest pilots we can.
Seriously- the moment they finish their 500 hours of training, we snatch them up at minimum wage.
And when our pilots get too old, we fire 'em.
No need for you to subsidize bloated pension plans in your ticket prices.
Plus, we cover all of our pilots with Jones Health Assurance, so they stay healthy and alert throughout your flight.
Furthermore, our flight attendants have JHA coverage and mandatory prescriptions of anti-depressants, so they're bound to be less bitchy.
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