'Omega Tila' Virus Destroys MySpace
Is P.F. Jones?  


by Jim Stanton
Post Los Angeles Reporter
March 8, 2008

The popular online community website, MySpace.com, came crashing to a hault Monday as the network and all of its members caught a virus from the web/TV/pop star Tila Tequila.
The Omega-Tila virus, or the O-T for short, managed to spread across millions of users in a matter of hours.
"Apparently, she had put up yet another revealing photo," explained computer programmer Vic Kanter, "and everyone kept going to her profile to see it."
"The problem is that Tila is such a MySpace slut," said Kanter. "She's one of those members who are so insecure that they'll approve anyone's friend request, and I mean anyone."
Tequila could not be reached for comment.
Unlike other internet viruses, experts believe the O-T wasn't created by malicious programmers.
"Nope- not this one," said Kanter. "You could say this was an immaculate conception in Tila's virtual vagina."
The O-T virus was born out of a cesspool of spammers, phishers, bits of java code copied by novice computer users and errors that already littered the MySpace landscape.
The problems culminated when it reached Tom Anderson, MySpace founder.
"Everyone kept messaging me about this bug they caught from Tila Tequila, and I was like, 'who?'" said Anderson. "Apparently I was the only one of 70 million members she wasn't friends with. So I friend-requested her."
Upon doing so, the virus reached Tom's account on the main servers and caused MySpace to crash, affecting millions of people.
"I was sitting in my cubicle Monday afternoon when it happened," said Brenda Cullar. "I had finished my spreadsheets and was planning on slacking off for a few hours on MySpace- but nothing. I had to do more work instead."
While technical support teams from News Corp. are unsure if the damage is fixable, Tom remained ambivilant.
"MySpace was something I came up with while I would sit around stoned in my boxers," confessed Anderson. "I'm glad this mess is Rupert Murdoch's problem now."
MySpace members may have to find other ways to occupy their time.
"I played some solitaire for a while," said Culler, "I guess I could check out Facebook."
MySpace members who require technical support or brand new computers should contact their local ElectroJones Superstore.


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