Shoot Grinds
to a Hault

Cruise's Antics
Film Production

Is P.F. Jones?


by Heather Styles

November 22, 2008

Gemstone Pictures announced Wednesday that it will be postponing the release of it's action blockbuster 'RoboNinja' another year until the summer of 2010.
The film, starring Tom Cruise and directed by J.J. Abrahms, has been in production for two and a half years and is already the most expensive film in history.
According to reports, principle photography has been haulted a fifth time due to Cruise's on-set antics.
"He started chasing after me without any pants on," said co-star Anne Hatheway. "He had a turkey baister and kept yelling, 'let me get at your Thetans.'"
Hatheway is now beeing paid $10 million to complete the project and is permitted to carry a taser at all times.
She isn't the first of Cruise's co-stars to complain.
The female lead was originally cast with Jessica Alba in 2006.
"Jessica left after about a week, citing Tom's behavior," Abrahms said.
"I found him in my trailor, throwing all of my panties into a garbage bag," said Alba. "When he looked up and saw me he said, 'I've brought you some new, special underwear.' That was it. I was out."
The role was re-cast with Brittany Murphy in early 2007.
"I thought we'd save some money there, but he scared her off after two days," recalled the director. "I guess he's too eccentric and hyper."
"No, Robin Williams is eccentric and hyper," said comedic co-star Will Ferrell, "Tom is fucking nuts."
Ferrell, who provides the voice of Kitana, the sidekick robot, said he has adjusted to working with Crusie in the past two years.
"The first day we hung out he stopped and gave away his Range Rover to a homeless guy and I thought, 'gee, this is a great guy,'" Ferrell recounted.
"A couple of weeks later he went apeshit on a craft services girl for putting 'peaches 'n' cream' cream cheese on his bagel when he asked for just peach cream cheese," Ferrell said.
"He screamed that her family would never work again. He meant it. We had to stop shooting for three days while he travelled around the country getting her family fired. That's when I realized that Tom lived in twisted parallel universe I call Tomland."
The once promising director J.J. Abrahms has now been tainted with the "RoboNinja" debacle.
"I had started working on a television series about plane-crash survivors stranded on an island," said Abrahms. "That fell through. I also had a shot for the new Star Trek movie, but Tarentino got it instead."
Abrahms, who worked with Cruise on "Mission: Impossible III," said they never should have let the superstar produce the movie.
"He keeps making them redesign Kitana," said Abrahms. "We went through six different robots. At this point, I'm just going to computer-animate it so Tom can't see the damn thing."
Cruise's credit as co-writer of the script is also a source of contention.
"He keeps changing it to make himself look better," said Abrahms. "His character is already saving the world. What more does he need?"



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