Rambunctious TV and movie star Charlie Sheen has vowed to "haunt" the set of CBS's "Two and a Half Men," the show from which he was fired earlier this year.
"I will haunt this show as long as it exists, like an enraged ghost , " said Sheen of the series that opened its season with his character's funeral.
"I've got more lifeforce, more energy, than everyone on this lot combined!"
Sheen's tresspassing has become a major concern for CBS security.
"We've thrown him out seven times," admitted series creator Chuck Lorre, "but we've found him on 18 different days of footage."
Editor's have been playing an expensive game of "Where's Waldo" with Sheen in the background.
"If he shows up on air, we have to pay him $2 million for that episode, maybe even write-in his damn 'ghost'," said Lorre.
"I am a freight train that cannot be stopped," said Sheen.
Crew members are beginning to fear what Sheen may do.
"It's creepy," said new addition Aston Kutcher. "Before I knew he was there, he had a plastic spork to my throat and said I was his bitch. This isn't what I signed on for."