Actor Jake Gyllenhaal announced today that he was working on a project that would definitely win in the 2011 Oscar season.
"I'm going to play an autistic Nazi," said Gyllenhaal, "or maybe an Amish guy with Tourettes. But something that will get me Best Actor."
Gyllenhaal, along with a team of Oscar-winning or nominated writers, is attempting to create a Hollywood movie that will win no less than five Academy Awards in February 2012.
"We think it's about gender roles in the Jewish caste of ancient Egypt," said screenwriter Christopher Nolan. "That or human trafficking in South America."
Gyllenhaal is certain that his character's father was raped in a diamond mine.
"It's the source of both his anger and his shame." he said.
Gyllenhaal said he is considering several Oscar-winning directors including Speilberg and Cameron.
"Then again, I wouldn't mind being Best Director myself," Gyllenhaal admitted.
He also admitted that many of these decisions will be based retroactively on the film's musical score, already being written by Oscar-winner Gustavo Santaolalla.
"Jake and I agreed that the score makes the movie," said Santaolalla.
Gyllenhaal has guarenteed this project will silence all critics' "Prince of Persia" jokes.
"Seriously, guys- we've heard them all."