"They just bugged us," said Ayman al-Zawahiri, Al Qaeda's second-in-command, in reference to the bombing of Foo Fighter's recording studio.
"The way they have no article at the beginning of their name is pretentious," al-Zawahiri said during the surprise phone interview. "You mention the Foo Fighters in a group and someone always has to pipe up 'it's just Foo Fighters.' I beheaded my last lieutenant for it."
He paused, then tried to make the terrorist attack sound less petty.
"I mean, they were indicitive of the pervasive western zionist culture,"said al-Zawahiri. "No, that's not true. I suppose they were just catchy."
He went on to blame their disdain for the band on the ambiguous sexuality of the song "Stacked Actors," but then recanted that, too.
"No, we just didn't like them," admitted al-Zawahiri.
The government has made no attempt to calm other American musicians.
"We've got a hard enough time protecting airplanes, water ports and power plants," said President Obama. "You wanted to be rock stars. Deal with it."
"Death to America," repeated al-Zawahiri, "or at least to the Dave Grohl."