The nation was stunned Monday at the announcement by L.A. police that they'd arrested 16-year-old TV and movie star Miley Cyrus for running the largest celebrity prostitution ring in history.
"She may look innocent, but the evidence shows that girl's a monster," said Los Angeles police chief Reginald Rucker.
Cyrus' alleged prostitution ring featured many stars and alumni of the Disney empire, promting cable news to dub her the "Disneyland Madam" by Monday afternoon.
Madame Cyrus' corruption is shedding new light on the not-so-personal problems of Britney Spears.
"She drank and did drugs to forget what Miley made her do," said Access Hollywood host Nancy O’Dell.
Cyrus' seized records indicate there was a high demand for former Mousekateers among the Hollywood elite.
The Jonas Brothers have suspended their current tour to enter a counseling program, as Cyrus' records also revealed she had repeatedly pimped them out to "old male billionaires."
After Monday's revelation, several internet videos surfaced of sexual encounters people had paid to have with prostitutes in Disneyland costumes.
"One video actually showed Minnie Mouse being fisted while Miley watched, laughing," said Daniel Tosh, host of Comedy Central's tosh.0. "It was like a creepy prison movie."
When asked to comment on the situation, Disney C.E.O. Michael Eisner said Cyrus "obviously owed Disney a bigger cut."
While news of the Disneyland Madam shocked millions of fans and their parents, Chief Rucker claims to have not been surprised.
"She made $43 million last year," said Rucker. "Did they really think she'd done that singing and dancing?"
'She may look innocent, but that girl's a monster'