Bert and Ernie were fired from the famed children's program "Sesame Street" for incriminating videos on their YouTube.com channel, a PBS Kids Network spokesperson announced Friday.
"The actors were terminated for violating the morality clause in their contracts," said Benjamin Bloom, head of Human Resources at the Jim Henson Workshop, "with behavior that was contrary to our mission in family programming."
"Bullshit!" contended a visibly drunk Bert. "We were fired for being ourselves."
Both employees posted videos on YouTube that features crude language, drug use and graphic sexual content.
"My daughter looked them up on Google," said distraught mother Susan Meade. "She clicked on a video and saw Ernie doing horrible things to Bert with his Rubber Duckie. She's been permenantly traumatized."
The actors allege that they were forced out for being openly homosexual.
"News alert! You can't be gay on Sesame Street!" said Ernie.
"While Bert and Ernie's lewd conduct on video did violate our 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy, we were equally, if not more, distressed by the flagrant drug abuse," said Bloom.
"Bullshit!" said Bert as he broke a bottle of Jones Scotch against the wall of his trailor.
"Everyone on that show is high as shit- always have been. The Count grew the hydro we were smoking. Oscar cooks meth up in the bottom of that trash can. Biggie and Snuffy are smacked out of their brains every day that we shoot."
"People need to know that employers, both potential and current, look at these sites," said head hunter Phil Kherrit.
"First they Google you, then they get in your MySpace and up in your Facebook. Your lucky if you don't get Twittered."
Jones Media Group, parent company of the Post, shocked America today when it announced it was buying YouTube.com, the web's #1 video-sharing site.
"YouTube is the best, so it belongs at JMG," said Vladimir Himler, VP of synergy at IJI, which owns JMG.
Users may notice differences on YouTube.com, like the adoption of JMG's proprietary DigiPlaya.
"We won't charge for plug-ins or updates the first year."
It also removed all content restrictions, hoping to compete with YouPorn.
Media watchdog groups have warned of JMG's recent trend of buying up internet outlets, like Google, Twitter and Wikipedia.
"After their TV, radio and newspaper holdings, controling information on the web means they control information PERIOD."
JMG denies that it, IJI or P.F. Jones are trying to take over the world.