Dumb Bitch Calls 911 Over Cheeseburger

EXERCISE
3-B

  1. Would this be a news-worthy incident without the reporter's involvement? Why or why not?
  2. What phrases suggest the reporter was editorializing?
  3. How might attacking an interviewee limit his or her cooperation?
  4. Is it ethical for the reporter to accept a free lunch from a story's source?

BONUS:
Rewrite the story, objectively including Ms. Churchill's involvement in the incident.


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b

gc by Gina Churchill
Post Atlanta Reporter
October 21, 2010



A thoroughly ignorant bitch called the 911 emergency line to the Atlanta Police Department Thursday to complain about her $1.00 double cheeseburger.
"I ordered this with no onions," said Selma Hodgeson, lying customer.
"No, you didn't," said Ralph Erving, assistant manager at the Roswell Road McDonalds.
"Gimme a new McDouble or gimme my money back!" said the fat-assed Hodgeson.
"No, and you already ate most of it," said Erving.
"I'm gonna call the cops!" threatened Hodgeson.
"Whatever- just quit holding up my line," countered Erving.
After a moment, Hodgeson appeared to have gotten ahold of the emergency operator.
"They won't give me my money back! What do you mean it's not an emergency? They stole my dollar!"
"GET OUT OF LINE!" I yelled at this point, eager to get out of there beore the cops showed up to arrest this stupid punta.
"What'd you say, bitch?" she asked glaring at me.
"Move your fat ass before I make you," I told the retarded heffer.
"Oh, Hell No!" fattie said getting up in my face.
I pushed her against the counter and jumped on top of her.
With my right hand I grabbed the Ronald McDonald House donation box and smashed it against her head.
"You don't know where I've been, bitch!" I let her know.
With my left hand I grabbed a spork and pressed its tiny tines against her eyeball.
"Now you're gonna eat every one of those onions!"
Just then the cops showed up and pulled me off Hodgeson.
The manager vouched for me, though, so they arrested her for the 911 call and I got a free salad.winf

CHARACTER PROFILE:
gc
Gina Churchill
(explains a lot)

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