This index will guide you through each character's own storyline, regardless of whether or not he or she
is doing any of the reporting. It is perpetual work in progress. Click on a character to read their profile.
 
    Featured Character    
  vh Vladimir Himler
Vlad is IJI's Synergy Czar and the true embodiment of corporate ammorality.
 
             
 

P.F. Jones
P.F. make a rare appearance at the launch of Time Ship 1
P.F. gives his account of the career he's reverse-engineered for himself
P.F. hires Tom Cruise
P.F. visits the international space station
P.F. tries to solve all of the world's problems
P.F. fights Rupert Murdoch for the Dow Jones
P.F. uses a time machine to end a strike
P.F. frames New York Governor Spitzer
P.F. geets in a pissing contest with T. Boone Pickins
P.F. impregnates Catherine Zeta-Jones
P.F. visits a recovering Chip Foxx
P.F. awards himself the Pulitzer, gets caught with his time machine
P.F. disputes Chrone's claims
P.F. kills a whistle-blower scientist, battles Chrone in Manhattan
P.F. gets hit with a hammer
P.F. frames Rupert Murdoch out of spite
P.F. seduces the First Lady (and tapes it)
P.F. gets stranded without his empire (or his time machine)
P.F. escapes the mental asylum

 

Chrone Osphere
Chrone is drunk at the Time Ship launch
Chrone blows up the Hindenburg
Chrone accidentally gets blamed for the Kennedy assasination
Chrone accidentally kills Marylin Monroe
Chrone kills and eats one of America's first settlements
Chrone sabotages a Democratic debate
Chrone goes back to the day of the Challenger shuttle tragedy to deflower his high school girlfriend, Shell Davis
Chrone and JMG get sued by Shell Davis for sexual harrassment and child support
Chrone is protested by pro-life groups
Chrone visits his little girl
Chrone hands Michael Jackson the wrong syringe
Chrone disputes the history of the Exodus
Chrone discovers P.F Jones will cause the end of the world
Chrone tries to erase P.F.
Chrone creates the 2012 hoax
Chrone tries to catch P.F. with a big net
Chrone catches P.F. killing a scientist, has a rooftop shootout
Chrone hits P.F. with a hammer at Chelsea Clinton's wedding

 

Chip Foxx
Chip tows the company line on time travel
Chip picks on Air America
Chip blames the Mark Foley scandal on liberals
Chip defends his Saipan sweatshops
Chip defends his racist comments
Chip berates Shell Davis for her sexual harrassment lawsuit
Chip reveals his plan to get a facelift that will make him look like George Clooney
Chip's facelift is derailed by the Army of Truth who give him back his original face
Chip recovers from his sabotaged facelift in Hawaii
Chip contradicts himself on John McCain
Chip points out all of the horrible things he hasn't said about Barack Obama
Chip expresses his love for a certain Alaskan governor
Chip has a meltdown after the election
Chip Waterboards his DNN co-host
Chip gets arrested with drugs and a trannie hooker
Chip tows the company line on health-care
Chip's TEA party gets crashed by the Army of Truth
Chip writes his column hopped up on pills

 
       
  POST MANHATTAN  
 

Conner Banks
Conner attends the Time Ship launch
Conner's secretary promotes herself
Conner's secretary steals his credit card
Conner's bosses put a microchip in his pug's brain
Conner gets caught cheating on his wife
Conner moves to a new apartment
Conner starts ranting about his ex-wife while writing a pro-HMO article
Conner is forced to write a story-shaped cell phone advertisement
Conner loses his dog while getting high at his dealer's apartment
Conner flies to South Carolina for a ridiculous press conference
Conner gets suspended for viewing pornography at work

Colleen Yang
Colleen tries to make deadline on a slow news day
Colleen goes into a coma after Cindy Stopher assaults her at a Christmas sale
Colleen awakens with psychic powers, which she uses to get Cindy stood up when her boyfriend's arrested
Colleen gets her own psychic advice column, has a vision about P.F.
Colleen has a vision about an old lady Jim Stanton's conning
Colleen has a vision of the Scranton Slasher and Scranton Strangler fighting to the death

reedeFrank Reede
Frank robs a bagel shop to pay Vinnie Giovanni, who kills him for robbing a bagel shop

 

Cindy Stopher
Cindy promotes herself
Cindy covers for stealing her boss's Visa
Cindy eulogizes a coworker she hardly knew
Cindy puts a coworker into a coma fighting at a Christmas sale
Cindy dumps her boyfriend for standing her up
Cindy suspended for porn Conner put on her computer

Harvey Winton
Harvey fires all of the page designers
Harvey fires all of the copy-editors
Harvey recovers from the Army of Truth's "Media Manifesto" Attack
Harvey suspends a third of his staff for viewing computer porn
Harvey loses his pants at the Christmas party

Lindsey Quinn
Lindsey attends the Time Ship launch
Lindsey's headshot and story are sabotaged by the Army of Truth
Lindsey blows off a story about the deputy coptroller
Lindsey tells the world what a whore her cousin is

Zelda
Zelda get a cerebral-stenography chip put in her brain for her own column
Zelda's chip causes side effects
Zelda watches her owner, Conner Banks, get caught cheating on his wife
Zelda escapes her cage in the city, watches time-travelers' rooftop fight

 

The Army of Truth
Was this the beginning of the Army?
The Army hurts Post profits
The Army sabotages one of Chrone's columns
The Army protests the firing of copy editors
The Army sabotages one of P.F.'s columns
The Army points out Chip's self-contradiction
The Army sabotage's an insensitive anchor's teleprompter
The Army denies starting a fire at Integrated Technologies
The Army hijacks our website and Sunday papers to publish its "Media Manifesto"
The Army sabotages Chip's face-lift
The Army's wrath is felt in the Post Manhattan newsroom
The Army may have executive help
The Army crashes Chip Foxx's TEA party

Vinnie Giovanni
Vinnie calls for a crime moretoreum to show the cops who's really boss
Vinnie kills a columnist who owed money and robbed a "protected" shop
Vinnie considers his political ambitions
Vinnie's planned bank heist is thwarted by psychic Colleen Yang
Vinnie tells off the president for buzzing New York with Air Force One
Vinnie beats up some guys on their way to a costume party

Jennifer Cox
Jennifer finds the dark side of the Time Ship launch

 
       
       
  POST WASHINGTON   POST CLEVELAND   MORNING STAR GAZETTE  
 

Shell Davis
Shell attends the Time Ship launch
Shell pisses off Donald Rumsfeld
Shell gets deflowered and impregnated by Chrone Osphere
Shell vents about "Chrone"
Shell sues JMG for sexual harassment, past-due child support
Shell's daughter wins the spelling bee

Shell gets harrassed by Chinese Security
Shell's photographer may be smuggling contraband on Air Force One

Dodge Enbern, Photographer
Dodge freaks out while smuggling contraband on Air Force One

Philip Waters
Philip reports on a temporal vortex Chrone Osphere made in North Korea
Philip has three pieces on Bush's stupidity
Philip visits his old job to report on the Army of Truth
Philip gets pissed about a FedEx fuck-up

 

Charles Figgler
Charles dips out of an award ceremony to spray-paint strangers' cars
Charles vandalizes a manger scene
Charles joins the Army of Truth
Charles writes up a tragedy while completely shit-faced
Charles vandalizes LeBron James' banner

Cynthia Figgler
Cynthia is annoyed with her husband's odd behavior
Cynthia questions a coworker's frequent illnesses
Cynthia mistakes her husband's repelling harness for a sex harness
Cynthia tries to cheat on Charles, but is thwarted by traffic

tDaniel Randolph
Daniel blows his nestegg on Cleveland LeBron James T-shirts
Daniel gets stood up by Cynthia, who he's been unwittingly flirting with online

 

Thoroughgood Killjoy
T.K. responds to ridiculous accusations by competitors about the Gazette
T.K. defends printing a serial killer's letter

Robert Lampini
Rob blows off steam by strangling strangers, but they keep getting away Rob gets outshined by a more prolific serial killer
Rob gets beaten up by "victims"
Rob's nemesis starts killing his escaped stranglees
Rob's bittersweet victory over the Slasher
Rob strangles a co-worker


z Tim Zachery
Tim bitches about being stuck in a small town where nothing happens
Tim catches a break reporting on two serial killers
Tim gets strangled by a jealous co-worker

 
       
  OTHER BUREAUS   OTHER CHARACTERS  
 

Jim Stanton
Jim gives the con-man's take on life
Jim starts a cult that abducts Axel Williams
Jim seduces an old rich lady
Jim wins an adult toy store in a poker game
Jim gets rejected by a magazine reporter

Axel Williams
Axel escapes a Canadian cult after their mass suicide

lampiniGina Churchill
The Real Reason Why Gina Churchill Was Transferred to the Post Atlanta
Gina Attacks a Woman in Line at McDonalds



Vladimir Himler
Vlad has the Kent bureau give an advertiser favorable content
Vlad chastises the news division for showing an IJI subsidiary in a negative light

Vlad orders Conner Banks to write an article-shaped advertisement for Jones Mobile
Vlad orders the post to write a pro-HMO story, but Conner gets fed up first
Vlad concocts a plan to make billions killing thousands
Vlad's quick thinking turns an atrocity into a hit reality series

 

d RoboNinja
RoboNinja promotion causes global terror scare
RoboNinja delayed by Tom Cruise

RoboNinja cursing all it touches
RoboNinja destroys Will Ferrell's family
RoboNinja suspended by Cruise's quest for robot rights
RoboNinja rights sold to Cruise

 
       
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